Percolator 2012: Famous Sharks

I must admit, I’ve been dreaming of drinking from the Percolator since the official 2012 date was set.  And after this morning’s shellacking of young Kidle, I’m  more confident than ever.  This got me thinking: when we top the Walruses next weekend, where will our group of Sharks fit into the pantheon of Most Famous Sharks Ever?  Here’s my breakdown…

Not making the cut for the Most Famous Shark list:

San Jose Sharks — Who can even name a great San Jose Shark?

Loan Sharks – A bunch of jerks.

Fins by Jimmy Buffet — Dear Walruses: I hope this terrible song gets stuck in your head.

Shark Tank on ABC — I’ll bet there are some Percolator participants who would do just fine in front of this group of a-hole entrepreneurs.

Greg Norman — I know he’s our namesake, but I don’t think we want his golf karma.


TOP 10 FAMOUS SHARKS


#10 Bruce Anchor and Chum from Finding Nemo

These guys (at 1:46 in the video) were hooked on Joose for a while, but now they’re following their 12 steps.

#9 Shark Bowl, Rick’s American Café (Ann Arbor, MI)

The last time I puked from drinking, a Shark Bowl from Rick’s was involved.  Who knows what’s in this concoction, but it’s lethal and sneaks out of nowhere to get you.  This kind of sums up our team, if you ask me.

#8 Card Sharks, with Bob Eubanks

Why do we have such crappy game shows these days?  When I was a kid game shows ruled the Frushour television on summer mornings.  While Bob Eubanks may be better known for his stint on the Newlywed Game, Card Sharks was certainly a Frushour favorite.  (We polled a 100 people…how many said Dan Kidle spent too much time producing Percolator prep materials over the past two months?).  Press Your Luck and Tic-Tac-Dough are the all-time faves, but Card Sharks was never too far behind.

#7 Saturday Night Live’s Land Shark

Classic SNL sketch.  Gotta love a shark with a sense of humor.

#6 The Sharks from West Side Story

I’m a sucker for Broadway, in particular musical productions.  This story features two rival gangs: the Sharks and the Jets.  And while the Puerto Rican Sharks are certainly the more badass of these singing and dancing street gangs, even I couldn’t put the Sharks from the West Side Story at the top of the Shark List.

#5 Discovery Channel’s Shark Week

It’s almost not fair to put this one in here since it’s essentially an all-star team of sharks.  But they did name an entire week after them, so that’s gotta be good for something, right?

#4 Mark “The Shark” Titus

Many of you might not know this hoops bench-warmer from Ohio State, but you should.  His blog – Club Trillion – was a sneak peak inside the OSU basketball program during the years of Oden and Evan Turner.  He writes for Grantland now, and published a book I just finished called “Don’t Put Me In, Coach.”  It’s hilarious.  Anyone who can come up with dozens of different ways to say S My D deserves a top 5 ranking.

#3 The Shark That Took Off That Surfer’s Arm

Remember when that shark bit off that 13-year-old surfer’s arm?  After watching this video, I think revisionist history might give this shark some mads props.  Hottest one-armed chick, ever. Way to get some, shark.

#2 Tark the Shark (aka Jerry Tarkanian)

How much booze, drugs and hookers did this guy provide to lure Larry Johnson, Stacey Augmon, and Greg Anthony to UNLV?  They won a national title in 1990, but choked against the Dukies when going for ring #2.

#1 The Shark from Jaws

#1 badass shark ever.  Had people scared to swim in the ocean throughout the 70s.  I’ll piss my pants if we see Roy Scheider at Oceana Golf Club next Friday.

So there you have it.  An exhaustive list of all the most famous sharks ever.  After next weekend I’m sure we’ll be adding the 2012 Percolator Sharks high on this list.